Happy 2 Year Anniversary to my Face!
So it has been 2 years (today) since my original orthognathic surgery. Sometimes it seems like 2 long years. Other times it seems to have flown by. In that time I have experienced highs and lows. I experienced some of the happiest moments of my life and I've also had to face some of the darkest and hardest moments of my time on this earth. I've met some amazing people. True friends have shone through and some people have left my life forever. I said goodbye to people I have known for years who have finally shown their true colours and I ended a 5 year relationship with my partner.
I believe that at this point in my life I am truly blessed to have amazing family and friends. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and I am reasonably capable of living a normal life.
Pain level in 2011 = 10
Pain level now = 5/6
I still take co-codomol 30/500mg and Ibruprofen.... But I have completely cut out the muscle relaxants and amitrypline. Starting each day with a big dose of codeine is not ideal but it's much better than before. I am exhausted mentally and physically before I start but I am very aware that it could be so much worse.
In terms of work, I had to finally give up my employment as an auditor, trainer and hr assistant in April 2012. The company I was working for needed me to work full time and I was struggling to complete 2 days. I was killing myself and unable to function for the rest of the week. I took the big decision to quit work and focus on my health. It has not been easy but I feel this was the right thing to do.
In December 2012 I had surgery to remove my titanium plates and screws. This was successful and my sinuses have not been infected since April this year. I am still suffering from jaw, neck and back pain. I have muscle spasm, shakes and weakness. I am currently waiting for my appointment at Kings pain clinic on 2nd September.
A lot of people have the misconception that because I look ok, I must be ok. But the reality is I'm struggling with pain and this operation has mentally taken a lot out of me. Friends I thought were friends turned out to be selfish and very cruel. My boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me and didnt have one thought of me when I was physically unable to lift my head off of the pillow for weeks on end.
I am currently undertaking a course of cognitive behavioural therapy and counselling for my depression and social anxiety. In a few months time I will be starting a course of therapy to treat body dysmorphia.
Body dysmorphic disorder (body dysmorphia) describes a condition where a person can't stop thinking about one or more perceived flaws with your appearance. The flaw can either be major or one that is imagined. Seen from an outside perspective, the obsession with these flaws will seem unnecessary or baseless, but to the person, her appearance seems so shameful and distressing that in some cases she won't want to be seen by anyone. The sufferer may also believe that every aspect of their life is affected because of their imagine. For example I believe I was attacked because of the way I looked.... I believe that dash cheated on me because I am a freak and worthless. I also believe this is why no one ever stays around for long. Everybody seems to leave. I do whole heartedly believe I am abnormal. I feel so ugly inside and out some times. But I understand I have this problem and I am willing to face my esteem issues and distorted view of myself head on.
People ask me all the time, would I have done anything differently and did I make the right decision?.....
Absolutely! I do not for one moment regret having orthognathic surgery. I know everything that has happened, has happened for a reason and everything is as it should be. I had terrible pain before the operation and although the operation was horrific, it did solve some of my pain issues and the constant nerve pain. Ultimately it removed people from my life who were fake and insincere.
Any tips for anyone undergoing surgery......? A good support network and some home help is essential. Understand this is a life changing operation so recovery will not take 5 minutes. On an average it takes 2 years to fully recover from this surgery. So don't be too hard on yourself.....Eat well and follow your surgeons instructions. Don't try to run before you can walk or chew before you have healed.
I wish you all the best of luck in life and with your journey and I will continue to blog about my story and help wherever I can. Hope you are well.
Special thanks to my family, family friends and my friends near and far. I love you all so much, thank you for all of your support and love. xxx
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